End of the Year Report

This is not really a political blog entry, it is more personal than that. It is an end of the year school report if you will. Last week, I received an assignment to answer three questions about my vocational discernment and formation process over the past year. As I write this with two weeks left in the semester, I intended to write the 300 – 500 words the assignment called for, be done with it and move on to the next 5-10 page paper on the list, but I have to pause here and really put some thought into these questions, they deserve thoughtful answers.

This has been one of the most amazing years of my life and one of the fastest. I can not believe how this year has flown by and that I am now just about finished with my first year of graduate/theology school/seminary. I have never had such an extraordinary experience and I hope you will see that in the answers to these three assigned questions.

Question 1 – What have you learned this semester about your vocational desires and/or direction?

What have I learned, let’s see, where do I start? I have always felt that I was being prepared for something in life; some might label this a calling and for now I will just leave it at that (although I usually add, I wish whatever was calling had caller ID). For years I was involved with politics and thought that maybe I would run for office, but I saw the brutality of our political process during the Clinton years and I became very disillusioned with the acrimony of the whole mess. However, even after that, I have always felt a need to do or say things to help heal the world and somehow I needed to find a path to try and do that.

This year, by an amazing series of events, I feel like I have found that path. I can not even begin to tell you how often and how deeply I have felt affirmed and supported to do this thing I am doing. I know now more than ever, that from this journey I will learn skills and develop thoughts that will further prepare me to take on the challenges and rewards the future holds.

I believe this world needs structural change. I think there is a growing movement of people looking for new ways and new answers to the problems of greed, poverty, hunger, ignorance and war. The confirmation I have felt through feedback on my writing, my thoughts and my actions has helped me feel like I do have something to say. I am trying to live a good life, a life of integrity and to do the best I can to be the change I want to become. This is not easy, but I continue to strive to walk a spiritual path together with others, doing what we can to change the world.

Question 2 - What have you come to understand about your faith?

This is a very interesting question for an agnostic, Jewish, humanist, Chicago-born, Unitarian Universalist attending a liberal Methodist school of theology, but surprise, I do have an answer.

I have a growing and very strong feeling about my faith. Last week we had a panel discussion on inter-religious dialogue. It all went very well until people actually started talking about religious beliefs using dogmatic religious terms. I guess I can say that I was not all that shocked when the room got tense and the panel ended shortly thereafter. The discussion the class was having before the panel portion began was about how shared values are the beliefs that actually unite people. In other words, I believe that if we were to have a discussion on values, the people in that room (whose values are probably pretty similar) would have been able to have a much more stress-free conversation, but because of the religious language, tension followed.

This leads me to the discussion of my faith. In Hebrews in the New Testament, (using religious language hopefully with broad meaning) faith is described as “the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” I have come to deeply believe now more than ever that there is hope for the world and I do this in the midst of one of the most difficult times in modern history. I also believe that my new faith, Unitarian Universalism, offers a hopeful and wonderful message. To me, this message is based on coming together in community supported by values and not about the polarizing religious language that can come from institutional religions.

One of the most significant areas of enlightenment for me this year has been learning some of the good things about some of the messages of religion. Through my studies, I have come to understand our need for joining together in community to share the unexplainable, the mysteries and the sheer awe of life. Also, I have come to believe that the less we use the “language” of religion and the more we share the timeless messages based on shared values, the easier it will be for us to live together. So, my personal faith has grown and so has my clarity about what religions have to offer.

Question 3 - What did you come to understand about your sense of God (or of whatever is of the ultimate significance for you)?

Ah, here is the big one, what have I come to about God. I will say that this has been my single biggest change this year. I have not come to the belief that there is an omnipotent God looming down upon us. (I could get into a whole bunch of theology that I have studied this year, but I won’t.) There are all kinds of definitions of God. For my Pagan friends, they speak about the Goddess and Mother Earth, my Christian friends talk about Jesus and the trinity, (which they debate), and my atheist friends just say no to God. I have my own take on God. I have found my first year of seminary fascinating for among other reasons, its effect on my thoughts on God. What I have learned is that my opinion on how I think about God has not changed a great deal, but my thoughts on how others think about God have changed significantly.

To me, God represents the feeling that we all get when feeling loved, accepted and tuned into our community. It is something that I can not explain, but I know it when I feel it. It is the love that transcends our fears and pettiness. One way I have explained it lately was that I believe there is a metaphorical layer of energy and love that streams above us, on occasion we rise above our daily lives and flow in that stream. When we do, we know it. This is unsettling for many religious people I know. They would like a more firm depiction of God to hold on to, but I am comfortable living in the unknown and not having to have a firm definition of an omnipotent God.

My thoughts on others beliefs have been extraordinarily expanded. Here at a Christian school, I have come to learn the need to separate theism from institutional religion and that there are many different Christian conceptualizations on God.

I think there is a part of our brain or life energy that when fully aware and functioning, can transcend our daily lives and connect at a more spiritual level. For example, I do believe that as a result of the events of September 11th, 2001, although the horror of the day was beyond words, for a short time the events served to strip away our daily layers and exposed some to the core. I remember being a part of groups that week that connected like never before, in a loving and spiritual manner. Although I have many other examples not based on tragedy, I will never forget the reaction of my community in connecting with others in love and spirit.

What this means for me is that I intend to facilitate community almost any way I can. In community is where I believe God (or my definition of God) lives. As a minister, I feel my calling (from whatever is calling me) is to transcend our differences through words and deeds and lower, move or abolish the traditional boundaries that serve to keep us divided. I think we need to celebrate our differences of cultures and faith, but I hope that I can instill a strong and growing sense of shared principles and values that transcend our traditional feelings of rightness of our own take on faith.

So, where does that leave me? It leaves me in perhaps one of the most fascinating places in my life. I end this semester with a need for summer employment for the first time in 25 years. I will spend the summer excited about moving on from the first year of classes into classes that feel more specific to my type of ministry. I anticipate starting the first year of a two year internship at a local UU congregation.

I feel open for whatever awaits me on this journey. But, even more significantly, I am so much more deeply convinced that although it will take hard work, patience and huge amounts of love and understanding, I truly believe we can create a better world and I hope that this experience will prepare me to play some small part in that change.